http://www.estiloskateboards.com/wave-street-surfing/
What do you think of this poem? Please give your opinion.?
Clicking sounds of a skate boarder on the street
At 12am,
Getting that bit of space needed to think clearly
And act freely
He weaves between taxis and occasional trucks
Surfing the bumps of street life
And banking the waves of uneven pavement
Smile in his eyes
With concentration on his mouth
Knowing the risks but using skill and
Savoir faire to make winding tricks
When others would quiver in fear
Occasionally the board scoots from under his feet
He jumps down firmly letting the board
Continue into danger unknown.
No fear in his face
Like life in general
He knows when to ride the wave and when to bail
Good decisions save his soul.
Not bad.
My humble critique-
Stanza/Line:
1/1 try “on the mid-day street” vrs “on the street at 12am”
2/1 lose “occasional”
2/2 try “banking waves of pavement” vrs “And banking the waves of pavement”
3/2 lose “With”
3/ 4-6 consider something like:
Somehow his grace transforms…
….a terrifying brakeless trek
into a dance…
you cannot help but watch
4 consider something like:
Occasionally he leaps …
Lets the board clatters into dangers…
…he was not prepared to face.
I look for the fear,
But if it ever came, it left…
…before his feet touched earth.
His face, it seems, cannot hold failure
Or pedestrian sadness.
All I can see is desire
..… for the next ride.
(*And we let the reader figure out this is how they should be living 
5 Stanza 5 I would lose entire.
5/1 A poet rarely needs to say “Like life in general”
comparing things to life what poets do.
It’s like a comedian saying “I’ve got this joke for you.”
This being said though, your instincts are sound, because a poems close should take us from what the poet is describing, to what this means to the poet, and by extension the reader. This is where you bring the metaphors home.
5/2-3 Which is what kills these great lines, they redirect attention to the skateboarder.
After line 5/1 has promised us a generic observation
SO
If you keep your version of stanza 4
You need to lose 5/1 or make lines 5/2-3 generic.
I would be inclined to do the former.
Keep writing.
The Wave Board by Street Surfing Street Team Tricks
